am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
