im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
