He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
