Don't you send me to vm
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
