I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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