Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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