its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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