sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
