ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
