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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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