Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
