dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
