That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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