She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So. Much. Porn.
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