We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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