My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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