I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
