I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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