U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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