I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
