A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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