Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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