I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
