Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
