his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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