DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
