..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
