you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
