Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
