Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
