careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
