Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
