Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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