I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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