i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
