ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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