I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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