He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
