sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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