If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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