I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
