its not stalking. its research.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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