Pants 0. Shit 1.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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