she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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