I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
