mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
