never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
