I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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