You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
