Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
