But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
